Sunday at Church

Today the power went out during church. It was odd because some of the buildings still had power, but the main sanctuary had none. It was during the last song and I can't remember what it's called, but the moment brought tears to my eyes.

The power went out and the music continued. A full sanctuary...500 some people probably singing and lifting their voices in spite of not knowing the words. The pastor then preached...it all felt raw and genuine. None of the extra technology that "aids" us with the work we're doing. Jut the raw human voice and voices lifted to the heavens.

Over and over the words of the song:

Jesus, I'm amazed by you...How Wide, How Deep, How Great is Your Love.

Unfortunately, power wasn't restored before the service was done. But I can't get the image out of my mind...repeating the words over and over about how great and amazing God's love is for us. And at the end of it all, singing Come Thou Fount. Beautiful.

Lonliness

I have struggled lately with the feeling of being alone in this life. That I no longer have someone to share things with and that no one is left who understands me. how wrong I often am, but it is a daily struggle to get up each day when your closest friends are far away and you live by yourself and have no one left to get a cup of coffee with on a regular basis.

I wish I didn't feel this way; that just facing the day would be okay and that I would start seeing all of the wonderful things that actually do surround me. I am blessed, but it's hard right now. By no means do I want pity, I am not pathetic...just tired of how things are right now.

Family

You gotta love family, but man! Sometimes they can do some hurtful things without meaning to. Like playing board games. You'd think it was harmless fun...maybe I'm just overly sensitive. Either way though, it felt like my family was making fun of me. Little comments here and there about making poor choices, confusing people and doing the wrong thing. It all built up during a game of monopoly and I lost it. I started crying and went to my room.

Everyone came and apologized after I left the room mid-game, but it's hard to go back when you can hear them talking about the whole episode down the hall in the other room. I'm supposed to go back and join them for a viewing of Kung Fu Panda and I'm sure I'll make it back to the room. I just need a few minutes to clear my head.

Sigh...makes me wonder how many times I think I'm doing something harmless when it really is hurtful. Like all of the teasing I do. Makes one think...are the things I am doing and saying helping a person and making them feel loved or are they hurting those that I love?