Racism - The Spokane Bomb Plot

The Seattle Times has an article about the recently arrested/indicted man in the Spokane Bomb Plot earlier this year. MLK Jr. Day to be exact. It's interesting to read through the different articles about racisim regarding this event. It's particularly unnerving to read some people's comments about this event.

"Why is this getting so much attention?" particularly iritates me. We're back to being colorblind? Should we not acknowledge the fact that racisim still exists on many levels in the U.S.? Certainly, it's not what it once was, but did we come all this way just to ignore the differences in race?

I firmly believe, there is no such thing as being colorblind. And to not talk about this or write about this would be a shame. Particularly, because many people don't think racism is a problem. And yet it is. It comes in small or large forms. Racism...is racism. It's a belief that one's culture is superior to another. If you're truly not a racisit...how many multi-cultural friends can you count? Or is your surrounding community predominantly populated with people who look like you and talk like you? I'm guilty of this...except for the fact that I don't really associate with many Koreans. Yes, you guessed it. I'm Korean.

Because my life exists within two cultures I can honestly say, being colorblind is irritating. It's like your turning your nose to half of me. Either you don't recognize my ethnic identity or you don't recognize my cultural identity. Maybe being colorblind within your own home helps. Maybe you feel better about it, but when you go out in the world...the world is not colorblind.

Let me tell you a few of my experiences.

Growing up in Idaho I had many people stare at me or treat me like I was different. Even though, I had spent all but 3.5 months of my life living in the U.S. I was made to feel unwelcome at times solely on my skin color. I didn't want to be different growing up. Instead of feeling special and unique...I felt different, on the outside and unattractive.

When I took my first trip to Korea I didn't fit in at all. Those differences became more obvious. For once I looked like everyone else, but I didn't feel like everyone else around me. I was pegged right off the bat as not being Korean. Even now, when I go to cultural meetup groups, I'm catagorized as "one of those..." whatever that means. It means I'm different and not welcome.

When I moved to Seattle someone, trying to be polite, started talking loudly and slowly to me. I thought to myself, do I really look like I'm brand new to the U.S.? English is my first language. I don't know any other ones. I act like an American that's been here my entire life. Why is someone treating me to so differently? It didn't occur to me right away that it was due to my ethnic identity.

Promoting colorblindness or refusing to open a dialogue about racisim and ethnic/culture identity is not empowering. It's limiting. It's saying that you can't think outside of the box and you can't recognize things that are different from what you already know. It's saying that you've already learned all there is to learn about culture and there's nothing left to know. Isn't that in itself a bit racisit? If you ask yourself, can you really say you know everything about the different cultures and experiences people have based on their ethnic and cultral identity? How many Americans have actually stopped to reflect on their cultural and ethnic identity?

I hope one day I'm proved wrong when I say probably not many...

Where did my heart go, part two.

There's a post from earlier about my heart and how I had this disconnect between my head and what I know...and the feelings I have for what I believe. I'm not exactly a person who shows all their emotions and often masks them from other people. To me it's often easier this way.

Anyway, I'm not sure what entirely put me on this path to being happy (I am right now and I started having feelings again for what I believe). I've questioned just about everyone I trust. By trust I mean someone who I know won't change their opinion of me at the end of the day because of my doubts, unbelief...failures...skepticism...the things that maybe I don't want to be known for for the rest of my life. I can't say that all of them know me well either...some I've just met...some I've never met in person, but decided to ask based on their blogs. Each person gave me a different answer...things to think about.

But I realized while I was searching, that the only reason I was searching was so that I could feel good again. Isn't that a little selfish? My search was all about me and how I was feeling. It had nothing to do with God and my desire to love Him. It was my desire to feel good about myself. All of a sudden things cleared up for me. I'm not saying I have an easier time praying or reading my Bible. I'm by far one of the worst disciplined people you'll meet when it comes to doing daily things to grow in my belief. Nonetheless...things made sense when I started approaching them as God would...not as myself and my selfish desires and intentions, but as God would in turning the other cheek, forgiving those who have wronged me and consistently showing love to everyone around me.

My heart is starting to come back in bits and pieces. There's still some healing to do...I still have a hard time handing God the reigns because I have a hard time trusting that things will be okay. It's a daily struggle...I've certainly been blessed these past 5 years, but I've also had some of my biggest struggles. Struggles with family, my

"To be a Christian one must take up his cross, with all its belief in God, trusting those around me...and recognizing that suffering refines us. it refines us to make us better. difficulties and agonizing and tension-packed content, and carry it until that very cross leaves its mark upon us and redeems us to that more excellent way which comes only
through suffering." ~Martin Luther King Jr.

I like this quote. He's saying that the hardships and the things that we suffer redeem us and make us better. I'm not entirely sure how we're refined and I'm not saying I enjoy it. I hate pain. I hate hurting...it's hard to see someone you care about destroy their life and not have the power to intervene. I often am sitting on the sidelines watching...and it pains me so much. Why do these things have to happen? Why do people get killed for no good reason? Why do people do drugs? Why do people get terminal diseases? Why do people get made fun of for their race?

This life isn't fair. I want it to be...I want it to be fair so badly. but this life isn't. Nor will it be. This is what we have and we do our best to make it better. This is why I often have a disconnect. i want a better life for everyone. I don't want there to be poverty. I don't want people to not have medical care. but it happens...in a country that consumes the majority of the world's resources...we can't get every one universal healthcare, food for everyone who's hungry and shelter for those who have no homes. We don't bind up wounds or take care of the Widow and the orphan. But as a country, we have the resources to do so....WHY is it not better then?! Why is it so hard to come together and take care of each other? Why is it hard for Americans to live in community with each other and trust that their neighbors and their friends will come through for them when needed?

This is my disconnect and my frustration with God and with people. Things don't work perfectly and it's frustrating. It eats me up inside that I know that this is the way the world works, but my heart won't accept it. Or that God is who He says He is and He loves everyone...but still people suffer.

My heart has a hard time following. I will always have a disconnect. But I started having a love for God that I haven't known in years.

This is one of my more random posts...I do apologize for it turning into a rant at the end.