Sunday, April 18, 2010

Thoughts on a Sunday Afternoon

Have you ever known that you were supposed to do it and then not? What were your reasons? Mine are mostly out of fear...I don't want to change. I don't want to admit that things aren't going as well as they could. I don't like to admit that I have no control over some situations. I don't like the feeling of being vulnerable.

I want to fix everything myself. I want to feel accomplished and I do when I complete something on my own. I want to be someone who's strong. I want to have courage and to be someone that people admire. I want to do good. All of these things conflict with the things I don't like.

Being someone who's strong and courageous also means that I need to be someone who's vulnerable...someone who can adjust to change and someone who can readily ask for help when they need it. There is no shame in asking. There is only shame when you don't speak up and don't seek what is needed in order to get better.

Why is it then, that it's so hard to ask for help? To see a admit that there's something wrong takes a lot of courage. Why is there such a social stigma? I have always felt the need though, that if I have a problem that I need to fix it. This is the expectation I have come to have of myself and of those around me. This is the expectation that everyone else has of me. It's frustrating when you ask for help and get shot down. That when you need it, it doesn't come in the way you expect it to appear. It's frustrating when you feel like you're not meeting expectations; your own or those of everyone surrounding you. I know why I don't ask God for help when I should. I need to get over it and I need to grow up.

Why is religion seen as a crutch? Just like seeing a counselor is like having a crutch. We call people weak if they can't do it on their own. Isn't that an unfair expectation? That everyone can handle each and every situation without assistance from someone or something? How do those who make that claim, get by? I wonder. I wonder if they have the same problems. If they ever feel like they don't know what to do. Or if they ever feel like they're in over their heads and need help. Where does their help from from? They're not on crutches are they? Maybe we all have an inherent need for a crutch...or for someone to carry us through the difficult moments in life. Is that really a crutch then? Are we really weak when we say we need help? Help comes in many different forms. Does the help that you choose determine whether or not you're weak or strong?

I lift my eyes up to the mountains. Where does my help come from? My help comes from You, Maker of Heaven; Creator of the Earth.

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