I went to the gym for 3 hours today and I feel great. My arms are probably going to be tired tomorrow, but at the end of it all, it was totally worth it. I'm getting better, but it's a slow process. Jon suggested that I start climbing v2's, but i'm having a hard enough time with strength in the sense of hanging and moving...it's tough if you have a hard time supporting the weight of your body. I need more practice before i can move up. I want to improve, but it'll just take time and a little more effort on my part to "train." Lift weights and such...
I've also been listening to a lot of Train recently and a song that I've totally fallen in love with is Lincoln Avenue. It really is an emotional song and it makes me feel vulnerable and yet confident at the same time.
The lyrics at the end get me the most:
And I’ll tell myself, I don’t need you
I’ll tell myself enough to get me through
But I’ll finally show you how I should have been being with you every
If you can wait a little more
This feels like the time that I’m ready for you
Are you ready for me
‘Cause I’ll tell myself I’ll make it
I’ll tell myself anything to get over you
And I won’t blame
you but I’m finally ready to show you
That I’m ready to show you, I’m ready
to show you, yeah
I’ll tell myself that I never needed anybody anyway, but
I need you
I need you now
I need you now
I’m ready now
I think about how much this applies not only to relationships with people (I'm sure this song was meant for someone the writer loved) but it also applies to how I view God and our relationship at times. It opens with the I'll tell myself that I don't need you or anyone else...that I'll keep telling myself that I'm over it because then the pain will stop...just maybe I can convince myself that I'm good when I'm alone.
but then the song switches and we see that things can't be done alone. That all of a sudden we need them because with that person we're better and we realize that we should've been more because that person was everything we ever needed. I should be more...I should hold up my end of the stick when it comes to my relationship with God or with anyone else for that matter.
It's frustrating for me at times because I try to do things on my own and I push people and God out because I think I'm capable of being everything I need. Often when I do that, I fail. I get frustrated and I stop trying or caring because things crashed and burned. And then all of a sudden, I realize just how much I need my friends and God in order to accomplish great things. There are expectations of me to hold up my end of the stick in this relationship...that God has invited me into this story and that I need to take the initial step but then put in the work to spend time getting to know Him (reading the Bible) and having a daily devotion.
I always have these moments of feeling ready for something and then I start and uhm...I hate to say this, slack off and then eventually stop doing what i set out to do because I will admit to this: I am lazy at times. I don't want to take the time and put in the effort to things that are hard or things in which I don't get instant results. I think most people are that way, but especially me at times. I suppose that means I need to work on being better disciplined this next year. I've never been good at those kinds of things, but there's really no excuse for me to start and stop all the time.
So New Year Resolutions:
- Be More Disciplined - studying, reading, following through on things (calling friends, blogging, devotions, setting goals and completing them, attending church on a regular basis)
- Be more outgoing and open to trying new things - I've always been a little hesitant even though when I try new things I have a blast.
- Live my life to the fullest - Live my life the way it was meant to be lived...without regret, full of love and generosity and much more.
- Take the GMAT - afterall, I want to get my MBA. :)
- Learn about Networks, Computers (Desktop Management) and things that could help me secure a job in the future outside of work.
- Sleep more - when I don't sleep I'm grumpy and the lack of sleep makes it hard for me to focus and be my best. Sounds simple but you'd be surprised at the amount of distractions there are...cleaning, youtube...tv...watching shows online...chatting to friends...
I'm sure there will be other things over the year, but those are the resolutions for now. :)