Monday, June 29, 2009


What is it about our self-image that makes us desire approval from everyone around us? As much as I'd like to think that I don't care about what people think about me, it's probably not totally true. I'm not exactly a WYSIWYG that I'm complex and I'll surprise you.

When I let people down I take it hard too. I try so hard to make people happy or proud of me that I'm often afraid that if and when I do fail that people will only see me for the failure and not as the person I truly am. It doesn't leave room for mistakes and it's a tough place to be.

It makes me realize I have some work ahead of me. My brother usually reminds me that that I shouldnt care. He always says "Fuck 'em all, Karen. It doesn't matter what they think about you. You should want their approval. Do things for yourself and do things that make you happy."

It's a correct statement to a point...Do the things that make me happy. If I do's almost like giving me free reign to not care about other people's feelings or well-being.

Sometimes I get tired of bending over backwards for people...yes, I'm a people pleaser to the core. I will do what it takes to make sure people are happy and taken care of. It's important to me...but I'm sure there's a limit somewhere...there's a limit to what I can do. And yet the image I project of myself is that of a person who's happy to do whatever...when at times I'm really not happy. In fact, I'm a grumpy little b. Dare I let people know how I really feel? Would that really help the situation or my dilemma?


Lee Ryan said...

I think there is a fair trade-space here: between being a b and always bending over backward.

I almost bite my tounge off every day to keep from saying things I shouldn't. We have to work with people and that means being professional at worst; no excuse for rudeness.

At the same time - too easygoing makes you vulnerable to being taken advantage of.

kiki5253 said...

True, it's a balance. I've been slowly learning to say no these past few years so I don't get walked all over.

It's hard though...i often feel that because I can help that I should. That if I have something to offer, it's expected of me to help no matter how I'm feeling. Isn't that the right thing to do?

Lee Ryan said...

like a lot of right-things-to-do I guess you're right; still hard though.