Thursday, June 18, 2009

Where did my heart go...?

Have you ever felt this disconnect between your heart and your brain when it comes to religion and a belief in God?

It's something I'm experiencing, but am not sure how to deal with. I think my heart should be happy or that I should feel differently than I do. I feel skeptical. There have been events that make me doubt the fact that God takes care me and cares about my future even though I know in my head and think these things are heart is like...but wait, you've been let down before. It's like I'm clutching these bags that hold everything about me and everything that's important to me and am unwilling to let go of them for fear that the contents will fall out or be dropped/trampled.

I just finished reading Blue Like Jazz and at the end he writes about haivng feelings for Jesus and how important they are. I'm fairly certain I don't have this "I fell in love with Jesus" feeling, but I want it and I think I should have that feeling. I keep reading books and going along, but I'm not sure where to look or what would help? I've prayed before and been open, yelling over the hurt I have or crying because of some painful memory. But I sometimes wonder if something's wrong. Have you ever felt like that?

This is the question of the day...and I've received a few responses...

Like some of the other mysteries of the universe, I'm willing to accept the mysteries of His work and try to have faith that the good and bad parts of my life are not meaningless.

Try praying for faith.

Pray for guidance.

Then live accordingly.

And another...

I honestly believe that if we start to do things that we know we should do, spiritual life follows and it generally always happens in community that's been my experience. I don't know if you are able to memorize stuff easily, but highly encourage you to memorize scripture. Ephesians chapter 1 is a super good chapter to memorize and listen to sermons by John Piper, his passion is contagious.

All of this to say...this is not an easy question to answer. Sometimes life needs a simple answer for a complicated question. For example, the fact that we actually are limited and have finite knowledge of who God is. I often find myself putting him into this box; a box of descriptions of how I see Him. This doesn't even begin to encompass who He is and I will never fully understand each and every situation in this life. But I guess, that doesn't or hasn't kept me from asking. :-P Maybe it's because the fruit of those experiences won't be seen til later in life. I do honestly believe in a sovreign God. A God who can turn each and every experience into something beautiful...but my poor little brain can't understand it even though it wants to.

The simple answer isn't necessarily giving up hope for understanding these things, but then to do as you wrote. Continue to question and then live the life God has designed and meant for me.

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